“Belief will open the door, faith will help you see the light, but trust will lead you to the promised land.” 
― Charles F. Glassman, Brain Drain The Breakthrough That Will Change Your Life

I woke that morning feeling good. My husband, Peter was already up. I could hear the clatter of pans in the kitchen.

“Dadu! Dadu!” Eden’s high, excited voice carried from upstairs, calling his grandfather.

My daughter and grandchildren were staying with us. I could hear giggles from Sophia and Eden as they ran down the stairs.

Heavier, more purposeful steps sounded from the bedroom overhead and then down the stairs and moving toward the kitchen.

‘Everyone’s up. I’d better get out there,’ I thought. I felt the need to rush out to the kitchen, take charge and make sure that everyone was happy and cared for. It weighed on me. I felt my morning glow dim.

‘Wait,’ I remembered, ‘Trust God.’

With that I decided to trust that everyone would be fine if I took the time I needed to feel ready for the day. I stretched luxuriantly under my down comforter and relaxed in bed for another few minutes.

‘Trust God,’ I reminded myself again with a smile, as I got out of bed and pulled the bed clothes up and arranged the pillows. I chose clothes for the day and went into the bathroom. Twenty minutes later I emerged fully dressed, hair still wet and walked into the kitchen, feeling great.

Eden came running to greet me.
“Good morning my Lovie,” I said.

“Mima! Wha’ happen to you hair?” Eden gestured wildly at my head with both arms, his eyes opened wide in surprise.

I knelt down in front of him, laughing.
“It’s still wet from the shower. Here, feel it.”
Eden touched the back of my head. “Wet!”

“I’ll dry it after breakfast. Did you have breakfast already?”
He nodded solemnly.

“What did you have?”
Eden leaned into my arms smiling and said, “Pea-but ‘n jel.”

Alexandar, the youngest, turned from where he was exploring the contents of a kitchen cabinet and crawled rapidly toward Eden and I. As soon as he was within grabbing distance, he pulled himself upright and leaned into me, fussing to be picked up. I put an arm around him and pulled him close.

“Mima, want to see the drawing I’m making? It’s a sun and it has teeth. See? Teeth,” said six year old Sophia, proudly holding up her picture from where she sat at the kitchen counter and looking at it.

“Turn it around, Honey, so I can see it.”
Sophia turned the picture around and I admired the sun with teeth.

“Mom, could you take the baby while I get the kids dressed? I’ve got to be in town at 9,” asked Ana.

“Sophia! Eden! Upstairs!” She said as she headed to the stairs.

“Sure, I'll grab some breakfast and he can share it with me,” I answered to Ana’s retreating back.
 “Peter? Can you hold him while I get some food?”

“Eggs in the oven,” said Peter absently. He reached for the baby from where he sat in the wing chair by the patio door, the sleeve on his fuzzy bathrobe slipping down his arm. He held his phone in his other hand studying it intently. Then he put the phone down on the table next to the chair and sat Alexandar on his knees.

“Hey Buddy!” He bounced the baby on his knees and Alexandar smiled. He bounced him some more and Alexandar laughed then threw himself at his grandfather hugging him fiercely.

I reached into the oven, gratefully retrieving the plate of scrambled eggs and poured myself some tea, carrying both over to the table.

“I’ll just get a spoon, then I can take him.”

With baby and spoons I sat at the table. Alexandar leaned from my lap reaching for the plate of eggs. I spooned up a small bite and evading his grasping hands touched it to his lips. He opened his mouth slowly and allowed the bite entry.

“Good huh?”

Alexandar swallowed and reached again for the plate. I put another  bite of eggs on the spoon. He ate the eggs and reached out for more. I put the spoon in his hand with a small amount of egg. He stuffed it into his mouth.

I took a bite of eggs for myself and Alexandar watched the spoon all the way from the plate to my mouth, looking at first hopeful and then disappointed.

Smiling, I gave him another bite, and sipped my tea. We continued in this way until the plate was clean.

“Let’s get you cleaned up now so you can go with Mummy.”

Shortly thereafter, Alexandar was happily scrambling up the stairs with me close behind.

“We’re just ready Mom. I’ll be right down,” called Ana from the guestroom.

Sophia appeared at the top of the stairs, looking pretty in matching pink pants and top. She joined me with Alexandar half-way down the stairs.

“Hi there, pretty girl! Ready to go?”

“Uh-huh, but I just have to get my book,” said Sophia, already racing back up the stairs.

Eden appeared at the top of the stairs, dressed and flying a small, wooden airplane through the air.

“OK, let’s go everyone!” Said Ana arriving beside Eden and scooping up the baby from where he had reached the top of the stairs.

The four of them thudded down the stairs and trooped out the front door.

“Bye Mima! Bye Dadu!”

“Bye,” yelled Peter from the next room.
​
“Have a good day!” I answered, settling myself on the bottom step.
​
“Trust God indeed,” I sighed,  a smile playing about my lips.

“Be willing to dare different things and try different things. Comfort zone and rut are synonymous.  There is nothing wrong with being comfortable, but when you get stuck in a comfort zone you are in a rut.”
-Red Feather
 
Inspired by Michael A. Singer’s The Surrender Experiment, (see the previous post below in Trust God, “Say Yes!”) I read Untethered Soul, also by Michael A. Singer. Once again I was challenged to open myself and grow even further. Though Untethered Soul was written before The Surrender Experiment the order in which the books came to me was exactly right.

Untethered Soul extends the teachings from The Surrender Experiment into staying open in every situation that feels uncomfortable, observing your discomfort, allowing the discomfort, feeling it, breathing through it and releasing it. Staying with the situation, no running away, no hiding, no avoidance, no protection, no closing off, only observing, experiencing and releasing. Saying, "Yes," to keeping your heart open.

Just reading about it at first brought up fear for me. That’s understandable. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to avoid and protect myself from emotional discomfort. Yet in doing so I’ve locked up my heart, imprisoning myself in order to feel safe, effectively shutting off my heart energy in many areas of my life.

After reading Untethered Soul, I chose to say, “Yes,” to moving through those layers of fear in which I hid from pain, tried to fix events, tried to protect my sensitive self, and avoided emotional discomfort in my life.

​It is freedom I seek, freedom above all else. Emotional freedom, mental freedom, physical freedom and spiritual freedom. The wisdom in this book showed me the next step to that freedom.

This morning my heart opens to a feeling of excitement for what Life will bring me today. I choose to free myself by accepting, saying “Yes,” allowing myself to push my comfort envelope. That sense of excitement is about opening to freedom, the freedom to say, “Yes!” to life and all it offers.

How often have I been reminded of Red Feather saying that comfort is synonymous with being in a rut? Pushing one’s comfort envelope is where our growth is. Apparently, it doesn’t even have to be a big push, just one small, “yes,” at a time, allowing something new into your life or allowing yourself to breathe through a fear.

I’ve been practicing, amazed to discover how many times each day I feel that little twinge of constriction in my chest that signals a fear response. I had no idea fear was so much a part of my daily life. When fear pops up my mind gets busy explaining it to me and what I need to do to fix it. But rather than listening, I focus upon observing the sensation, just noticing that it is there without judgment. I breathe deeply into that feeling in my chest, consciously breathing in relaxation, and letting the sensation of fear go on each out breath. Sometimes it releases on one breath, sometimes more. I stay with it, breathing and relaxing until once more I feel at ease.

​When I travel someplace new, taking in new sights, smells, tastes, doing new things, it gives me a feeling of excitement, a sense of aliveness. I thought I had to travel to experience that. Not so.  I can experience that every day just by saying, “Yes.”

We can all experience that excitement, that aliveness, that love. Every day can be a day of discovery, experiencing new things and growing into freedom as we keep our hearts open.

“Every flower blooms at its own pace.”
-Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem
 
“Run when you can. Walk when you have to. Crawl if you must. Just never give up.”
-Dean Karazes
 
Spiritual-development is a funny thing. We zoom along like the hare in that famous race, or we waddle like the tortoise. Sometimes we even flounder like a tortoise over on its back. Because we are both the hare and the tortoise the race is only with ourselves.
 
Which one we express today is directly related to the fear that we carry with us like a heavy shell upon our back. When we carry that weight of fear and try to control all the different aspects of our lives we waddle and flounder like the tortoise. If we let go of our need to control, we can run like the hare. Either way we get to where we need to go. We grow and develop spiritually.
 
Most people run sometimes and waddle other times. Don’t worry about it, and don’t try to control your controlling, because then you will be trying to control yourself from trying to control your self-development. What? Confusing isn’t it? Don’t go there.
 
Just breathe and leave the driving to God.
 
When fear comes up and you feel the need to control, just be aware of that. You may need the experience of tortoise-ing along for a while. Sooner or later your fear will dissipate and you’ll be able to run again. If you choose you can support yourself using the spiritual tools in your toolbox.
 
Either way you will get there. Either way is OK. You are learning and growing. Love the process. Love yourself throughout the process for you are braver and grander than you can imagine!