“Not just one day, but all three hundred and sixty-five days of the year should be filled with joy. Our entire lives should become a festival! Spirituality teaches us the way to accomplish this. For this surrender to take place, total refuge in the Supreme Being is required.”
-Mata Amritanandamayi, Amma’s Pearls of Wisdom
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This is such a powerful teaching, given by the amazing humanitarian and spiritual teacher, Amma. The one known as the Hugging Saint. Since 1975 she has traveled around the world individually hugging millions and millions of people, spreading her message of love and compassion. But what does this teaching mean for our daily lives?

When I read this teaching for the first time, I hadn’t gotten through more than the first two sentences before my mind piped up, “Right, my entire life a festival, three hundred and sixty-five days a year filled with joy. How am I supposed to make that happen?” Then I read on, and the word ‘surrender’ jumped out at me. Amma says joy is the result of surrender. What does surrender mean? To me it means releasing my agenda. Releasing any idea that I am the one in control. It means letting go of ego determined desires, plans, ideas, agendas. Surrender is all about letting go of the ego.

I look out the window, leaving my writing for a moment. I see a gray sky, shading darker, now lighter at the horizon with blue peeking through, as the wind moves the blanket of cloud along. I see the swaying, bare brown branches of the oaks, their lichen covered bark skins, pale green in the overcast, morning light. A single, orange leaf waves at the sky from the tip of a branch. Tiny v’s of terns pass high overhead on their way to the life-giving river flowing behind our home. All of it, an expression of the Supreme Being, our Source.

My attention drifts along the wall to my vision board. Here too I see the bare branches of a tree. It is my own tree of life, its branches filled with what I desire in my life. How do I know if these are the desires of my ego wanting to control, or the desires of my soul in alignment with Source, in surrender?

I return to Amma’s teaching and read on – ‘total refuge in the Supreme Being is required.’ Total refuge, the image that brings to mind is of a child huddling under a large umbrella, dry, safe, surrounded on all sides by a downpour. Safety, support, guidance, being totally cared for, this is what refuge means to me.

At the center top of my vision board is an image of a waterfall, and on it are written the words, “I joyfully trust God.” I wonder now, why would any of us choose to do anything else? Why wouldn’t we choose the joy that comes from trusting God, taking refuge in the Supreme Being, surrendering our egoic desire for control?

Where does this desire for control come from anyway? Life experience tells me that it comes from a child’s need for safety and love in a world that feels like a downpour of fear. This child seeks refuge outside herself, in those around her, and when they cannot give her what she needs, she seeks refuge in trying to control her world in whatever way seems to work for her. This can only succeed for a little while, but the pattern of seeking refuge by trying to control the outside world is set, and she will just keep trying harder and harder to control. This little girl is doing the best that she can with what she knows. Sound familiar?

It doesn’t work of course. The little girl becomes a woman, still seeking refuge, still trying to control her outside world, until finally, feeling like she is drowning in the rain of fear, she gives up. She knows that what she has been doing all these years hasn’t worked. She surrenders and in doing so she opens the door to Spirit.

The difficult piece now is, keeping the door open. Like a well-trained dog the mind keeps charging down the old pathways, looking for refuge somewhere in the outside world. The mind forgets that there is a better path, a path that clears the storm clouds and brings out the sunny skies of joy.

I look out the window again and fluffy white clouds scud along a bright blue sky. Sunlight shines on bright green lichen covered branches, dancing in the wind. The trees know nothing of trying to control the elements. The trees know only surrender to what is, living in the joy of taking refuge in the Supreme Being. They know no other way. I think I’ll take a hint from the trees. I think I’ll take Amma’s advice and allow the blue skies of joy to shine on me today. How about you?

“Let go of what you think you know. Something amazing happens when you let God and trust.”
Tammy L. Kubasko
 
God’s timing is not always our timing. The thing is, it can be difficult to trust in God’s timing.

I used to visit a care facility for Alzheimer’s and dementia residents each week with my dog, Goldie. The folks we visited with sat or walked about in the living room area of the buildings and enjoyed patting Goldie and talking about the dogs they had when they were young. Even many of those that were non-verbal still seemed to enjoy looking at her and touching her soft fur.

One day, there was a new patient. He was disoriented and upset, calling for help. A very elderly gentleman, he wanted nothing to do with Goldie or me, and continued desperately calling for help. When staff responded, he just kept saying, “Help! I need help! I need to get out of here. I don’t know what to do.” My heart went out to him. I prayed for him to have the support he needed and feel peace.

I found his distress upsetting. Yet, I’ve discovered that when I have an experience that triggers me like that, it's an opportunity for healing and learning.

That night I had a dream in which I woke up in a small airport waiting room. I was disoriented, not knowing how I got there, and anxious because I knew I was there to catch a flight but didn’t know what flight to get on. What if they called my flight and I missed it? I needed help. I didn’t know how to help myself, and I didn’t know if others could help me. It was a frightening dream.

Still, it gave me insight into how the new patient in the care facility was feeling. For him, he was in a strange, public place. He didn’t know where he was going or when he would go home. The bewildered gentleman didn’t even remember how he got to that place. He just woke up there. It was all terribly upsetting to him. He felt so helpless.

It was all in God’s hands.

How many of us are in similar circumstances, too anxious to trust God’s timing? Thinking that we are in charge, that we should take control and force things to happen, and afraid because we don’t know what to do or how to do it. Or, even more difficult, we are unwilling to surrender to God’s timing and so are in a constant struggle against it?

What if we could ask God for what we want and then surrender all else? What if our job is to show up each day and allow God to move in our lives, guiding us to what we need to do to go where we want to go? Wouldn’t that be peaceful? Wouldn’t that be a relief?

What is required is trust in God’s timing. Trust that God will show up for us. Trust that God will make the signs clear enough that we are able to interpret them and know how to go where we want to go. Trust that we are worthy in God’s eyes to receive what it is that we want.

I’ve had the idea that I’ve somehow got to make what I want happen, forcing the energy along through my focused, positive attention.

The word ‘forced’ here is the key. The need to force indicates fear.

There is no forcing with allowing, there is only surrender, releasing to God, to our Higher Selves, and trusting.

As I wrote this my daughter called saying that whenever I was ready, she could start upcoming web site changes from the road. This is part of what I’ve chosen to manifest. I expected to start when she got back home in two weeks. Yet, here she was saying that she was inspired to start right now. She's a tuned in gal. 

God’s timing is not our timing, sometimes it’s even sooner than we expect!  

“Belief will open the door, faith will help you see the light, but trust will lead you to the promised land.” 
― Charles F. Glassman, Brain Drain The Breakthrough That Will Change Your Life

I woke that morning feeling good. My husband, Peter was already up. I could hear the clatter of pans in the kitchen.

“Dadu! Dadu!” Eden’s high, excited voice carried from upstairs, calling his grandfather.

My daughter and grandchildren were staying with us. I could hear giggles from Sophia and Eden as they ran down the stairs.

Heavier, more purposeful steps sounded from the bedroom overhead and then down the stairs and moving toward the kitchen.

‘Everyone’s up. I’d better get out there,’ I thought. I felt the need to rush out to the kitchen, take charge and make sure that everyone was happy and cared for. It weighed on me. I felt my morning glow dim.

‘Wait,’ I remembered, ‘Trust God.’

With that I decided to trust that everyone would be fine if I took the time I needed to feel ready for the day. I stretched luxuriantly under my down comforter and relaxed in bed for another few minutes.

‘Trust God,’ I reminded myself again with a smile, as I got out of bed and pulled the bed clothes up and arranged the pillows. I chose clothes for the day and went into the bathroom. Twenty minutes later I emerged fully dressed, hair still wet and walked into the kitchen, feeling great.

Eden came running to greet me.
“Good morning my Lovie,” I said.

“Mima! Wha’ happen to you hair?” Eden gestured wildly at my head with both arms, his eyes opened wide in surprise.

I knelt down in front of him, laughing.
“It’s still wet from the shower. Here, feel it.”
Eden touched the back of my head. “Wet!”

“I’ll dry it after breakfast. Did you have breakfast already?”
He nodded solemnly.

“What did you have?”
Eden leaned into my arms smiling and said, “Pea-but ‘n jel.”

Alexandar, the youngest, turned from where he was exploring the contents of a kitchen cabinet and crawled rapidly toward Eden and I. As soon as he was within grabbing distance, he pulled himself upright and leaned into me, fussing to be picked up. I put an arm around him and pulled him close.

“Mima, want to see the drawing I’m making? It’s a sun and it has teeth. See? Teeth,” said six year old Sophia, proudly holding up her picture from where she sat at the kitchen counter and looking at it.

“Turn it around, Honey, so I can see it.”
Sophia turned the picture around and I admired the sun with teeth.

“Mom, could you take the baby while I get the kids dressed? I’ve got to be in town at 9,” asked Ana.

“Sophia! Eden! Upstairs!” She said as she headed to the stairs.

“Sure, I'll grab some breakfast and he can share it with me,” I answered to Ana’s retreating back.
 “Peter? Can you hold him while I get some food?”

“Eggs in the oven,” said Peter absently. He reached for the baby from where he sat in the wing chair by the patio door, the sleeve on his fuzzy bathrobe slipping down his arm. He held his phone in his other hand studying it intently. Then he put the phone down on the table next to the chair and sat Alexandar on his knees.

“Hey Buddy!” He bounced the baby on his knees and Alexandar smiled. He bounced him some more and Alexandar laughed then threw himself at his grandfather hugging him fiercely.

I reached into the oven, gratefully retrieving the plate of scrambled eggs and poured myself some tea, carrying both over to the table.

“I’ll just get a spoon, then I can take him.”

With baby and spoons I sat at the table. Alexandar leaned from my lap reaching for the plate of eggs. I spooned up a small bite and evading his grasping hands touched it to his lips. He opened his mouth slowly and allowed the bite entry.

“Good huh?”

Alexandar swallowed and reached again for the plate. I put another  bite of eggs on the spoon. He ate the eggs and reached out for more. I put the spoon in his hand with a small amount of egg. He stuffed it into his mouth.

I took a bite of eggs for myself and Alexandar watched the spoon all the way from the plate to my mouth, looking at first hopeful and then disappointed.

Smiling, I gave him another bite, and sipped my tea. We continued in this way until the plate was clean.

“Let’s get you cleaned up now so you can go with Mummy.”

Shortly thereafter, Alexandar was happily scrambling up the stairs with me close behind.

“We’re just ready Mom. I’ll be right down,” called Ana from the guestroom.

Sophia appeared at the top of the stairs, looking pretty in matching pink pants and top. She joined me with Alexandar half-way down the stairs.

“Hi there, pretty girl! Ready to go?”

“Uh-huh, but I just have to get my book,” said Sophia, already racing back up the stairs.

Eden appeared at the top of the stairs, dressed and flying a small, wooden airplane through the air.

“OK, let’s go everyone!” Said Ana arriving beside Eden and scooping up the baby from where he had reached the top of the stairs.

The four of them thudded down the stairs and trooped out the front door.

“Bye Mima! Bye Dadu!”

“Bye,” yelled Peter from the next room.
​
“Have a good day!” I answered, settling myself on the bottom step.
​
“Trust God indeed,” I sighed,  a smile playing about my lips.

​ 
“Tie your camel and place your trust in Allah.”
 - Muhammed, founder of Islam
 
Have you heard this ancient saying attributed to the prophet Muhammed?  The story is that Muhammed saw a Bedouin leaving his camel without tethering it and asked him why he was doing this. The Bedouin replied that he was placing his trust in Allah and had no need to tie the camel. The prophet Muhammed then replied, “Tie your camel and place your trust in Allah.”
 
What does this mean for us in our Western lives?
 
The other night I had a dream in which I was desperately seeking what it was I needed and I was unable to find it. It was unpleasant, I can tell you. Analyzing it afterward, I realized that I was feeling fearful about having what I needed for comfort and nutrition on our upcoming trips.  
 
Does this mean that I don’t trust God to provide what I need? Would careful planning and packing be a fear-based action or a love-based action?
 
Oh, the woes of self-questioning!
 
As I worried about it, the above quote came to mind, only I remembered it like this, “Trust God but tie your camel.”
 
I love how guidance comes. This time it was a gentle reminder in the form of a misquote.
 
Worded like that it implies that I did not trust God to provide what I needed.
 
I looked it up on-line and the quote is better translated as “Tie your camel and trust God.”
 
That implies action on my part and then allowing God to do the rest. The former is a fear-based translation, the latter, love-based. The difference is very important.
 
The action looks the same either way, the motivation is very different.
 
I strive to learn to take action motivated by love. Therefore, I choose to tie my camel and trust God. I choose to do my best and leave the rest up to God. I choose to take action over what I have control of and plan and pack what I feel I need. Then I choose to let go and invite God in, knowing I am supported by my own efforts and by God. 
 
There is a saying, often attributed to Benjamin Franklin.
“God helps those who help themselves.”
 
We can lovingly do what is there for us to do, and then let go of all else, leaving room for God to enter in. We can do our part and we can trust God.

“Be willing to dare different things and try different things. Comfort zone and rut are synonymous.  There is nothing wrong with being comfortable, but when you get stuck in a comfort zone you are in a rut.”
-Red Feather
 
Inspired by Michael A. Singer’s The Surrender Experiment, (see the previous post below in Trust God, “Say Yes!”) I read Untethered Soul, also by Michael A. Singer. Once again I was challenged to open myself and grow even further. Though Untethered Soul was written before The Surrender Experiment the order in which the books came to me was exactly right.

Untethered Soul extends the teachings from The Surrender Experiment into staying open in every situation that feels uncomfortable, observing your discomfort, allowing the discomfort, feeling it, breathing through it and releasing it. Staying with the situation, no running away, no hiding, no avoidance, no protection, no closing off, only observing, experiencing and releasing. Saying, "Yes," to keeping your heart open.

Just reading about it at first brought up fear for me. That’s understandable. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to avoid and protect myself from emotional discomfort. Yet in doing so I’ve locked up my heart, imprisoning myself in order to feel safe, effectively shutting off my heart energy in many areas of my life.

After reading Untethered Soul, I chose to say, “Yes,” to moving through those layers of fear in which I hid from pain, tried to fix events, tried to protect my sensitive self, and avoided emotional discomfort in my life.

​It is freedom I seek, freedom above all else. Emotional freedom, mental freedom, physical freedom and spiritual freedom. The wisdom in this book showed me the next step to that freedom.

This morning my heart opens to a feeling of excitement for what Life will bring me today. I choose to free myself by accepting, saying “Yes,” allowing myself to push my comfort envelope. That sense of excitement is about opening to freedom, the freedom to say, “Yes!” to life and all it offers.

How often have I been reminded of Red Feather saying that comfort is synonymous with being in a rut? Pushing one’s comfort envelope is where our growth is. Apparently, it doesn’t even have to be a big push, just one small, “yes,” at a time, allowing something new into your life or allowing yourself to breathe through a fear.

I’ve been practicing, amazed to discover how many times each day I feel that little twinge of constriction in my chest that signals a fear response. I had no idea fear was so much a part of my daily life. When fear pops up my mind gets busy explaining it to me and what I need to do to fix it. But rather than listening, I focus upon observing the sensation, just noticing that it is there without judgment. I breathe deeply into that feeling in my chest, consciously breathing in relaxation, and letting the sensation of fear go on each out breath. Sometimes it releases on one breath, sometimes more. I stay with it, breathing and relaxing until once more I feel at ease.

​When I travel someplace new, taking in new sights, smells, tastes, doing new things, it gives me a feeling of excitement, a sense of aliveness. I thought I had to travel to experience that. Not so.  I can experience that every day just by saying, “Yes.”

We can all experience that excitement, that aliveness, that love. Every day can be a day of discovery, experiencing new things and growing into freedom as we keep our hearts open.

“All shall be well and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.”
-Julian of Norwich
 
“Surrender, surrender, let go of the struggle.”
-Red Feather
           
When I lived in New Hampshire, by January the winter ice build-up on my driveway was prodigious. I was out daily hacking and digging at the thick ice, progressing through an inch at a time. First creating potholes, then small cleared patches, then larger cleared areas. There is a feeling of satisfaction as the cleared area enlarges, I know, I did it for years, until one year I didn’t. That year, I spread sand and waited. In two months, the warming sun of spring took care of the ice. It gradually warmed the inches of frozen water to return it to its former formless state, and I didn’t have to do anything but enjoy the process. Nature was infinitely more efficient than my ice chipper.
 
My struggle with the ice on my driveway was much like my struggle with life. I worked hard at life. I tended to struggle over things that if I just let go, they would have taken care of themselves. I struggled with myself, wanting to be more, better. I struggled with my loved ones wanting them to be different than they were. I struggled at work, thinking that I could never quite be good enough. And day by day I was out there in my driveway chipping away at the ice, until finally one day I didn’t. Day by day I struggled with my life, until finally one day… Nope, still do,  sigh, though not nearly as often or as deeply as I used to.
 
Our lives can become encased in ice, frozen, slippery, seemingly a danger. We live fearfully. We struggle and chip away to remove that uncomfortable fear. Perhaps though that icing of fear is just a normal part of the cycle of life here in this world. Perhaps if we trust in the process of our growth the cycle will turn and that warm sun of trust will melt away our fear. Perhaps we have only to apply a little sand, trust and wait. God will do the rest.

​Many of us have areas in our lives that we feel should change, and we struggle over how we are not enough. But what if we decided to let go of the struggle? What if we decided that we are perfect for this moment? What if we decided that our lives, our homes, our families and friends, jobs, surroundings are just as they should be for this moment, a part of God’s Plan? What if we let the ice in our lives be just as it is? What if we allow ourselves to sprinkle a little sand and wait? In time the ice will be gone whether we struggle with it or not. Perhaps we can choose to let go of the struggle and trust.
 
Photo by alessandra fiorani on Unsplash

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.”
Psalm 94:19
 
Over the holidays we like to invite family and friends to come for Christmas Eve and for those who are able, to stay overnight through Christmas day.

When entertaining, my usual course of action is to plan everything out, menu, activities and gifts as well as to have a cleaning, shopping and cooking schedule beginning well ahead of time in preparation.

I tried to do all this again this year, as I have done other years. But I’ve spent the past month recovering from a cough and general lack of energy that has kept me couch-bound. While that’s been great for some things, giving me lots of time for reading and meditation, it’s not been so good for holiday preparations.

The night before Christmas Eve I didn’t sleep well. I was not ready for guests and I was anxious about it. I lay awake planning out all I needed to do the next day and worrying that I wouldn’t have the energy to get it all done. I had a dream of the unmade lasagna I’d planned for dinner and saw the three, different cheeses, ricotta, mozzarella and parmesan, all in conflict with one another. It was a silly and discouraging symbol for the elements I was unsuccessfully attempting to combine into an enjoyable holiday.

So, along comes the day of Christmas Eve and I am not ready, the house hasn’t been cleaned, the lasagna not made, the table not set, nothing is ready for the arrival of our guests.

Fortunately, an angel in the form of my daughter was there, cheerful and energetic.

“Mom, maybe you shouldn’t be making lasagna when you’re coughing like that,” she said. “I can make it. I can do the vacuuming too, and whatever else needs doing. How about if you do the less active jobs?”

You’d think the decision to hand it all over would have been easy, but it wasn’t. It was surprisingly difficult to let go of control, and let my daughter take charge. I tussled with myself for several moments and then realized that this was exactly what I needed. I thanked her and said, “Yes,” feeling relieved.

I sat down gratefully and wrapped presents while she bustled around getting everything done. As I did so I had the realization that this illness was an opportunity to understand that trying so hard to control everything that’s happening around me leaves no room for God/Spirit to enter in. If I hold on hard, constricted and fearful, afraid that things won’t go well unless I control every single aspect, where is the room for love? Where is the room for creativity, for my Soul’s expression and the Soul’s expression of those around me? Where is the room for God? It was a lightbulb moment.

As it turned out, we had a wonderful Christmas. Everyone was relaxed and happy. The lasagna was delicious. The grandchildren were delighted and delightful. There was a feeling of love and gentle celebration throughout because there was room for God. 

May there be plenty of room for God is this your new year of 2019, dear friends. May you be blessed with love, wonder and happiness!

​​Photo by Júnior Ferreira on Unsplash