​“Here comes the sun (doo doo doo doo). Here comes the sun, and I say, It's all right.
Little darling, it's been a long, cold, lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here.
Here comes the sun (doo doo doo doo) Here comes the sun, and I say, It's all right.”
-George Harrison, The Beatles

In the past my everyday life felt pushed or maybe I should say driven, because it was me doing the pushing. I was always thinking about what else needed to get done, who I needed to take care of, how to keep everyone happy, how this or that wasn’t good enough. It took conscious effort for me to relax, allow and appreciate what was. At the end of the day I’d look back over the day and think of all that I should have accomplished and didn’t, setting myself up for a driven tomorrow.

My life was motivated by fear. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of not having enough, time, money, parenting skills, you name it. Fear of not doing enough. It is not a comfortable way to live.

Fortunately, I’ve learned that there is a better way.

When I began doing sessions for clients, I learned to center and align myself before each session, calling in my Spiritual Support Team. I learned to trust the guidance I received. Trust the topics that came up for healing. Trust the words and tools that came to me to offer and trust the outcome of our work together.

On several sacred journeys to Brazil and to Iceland I was able to expand this into full days of trust.  I learned to trust what was in my present reality enough to fully relax into the moment. Trusting that who I was with, where I was, and what I was doing, was exactly right for that moment.

I stopped thinking that I needed to be with someone I wasn’t. I stopped thinking that I should be saying or doing something else other than what I was saying and doing. I learned to trust and be with what was.

It was like in my sessions but expanded outward into full, shining days.

Unfortunately for me, there was a big difference in how I felt when I was doing a session, when I was on a sacred journey, and my daily life at home.

That sense of relaxing and trusting what was, was missing.

Instead, I pushed to get through to the next activity or the next person to connect with. I drove myself to get everything right, make sure everything and everyone was taken care of.

Yet, I couldn’t help but think, wouldn’t it be wonderful to feel that relaxation, trust, contentment, inner peace, acceptance, allowing and joy throughout all of my days?

Now I know it is possible.

We can each of us do this through consciously intending it to be so.

We make the choice in each minute to consciously connect with our Source within. We breathe deeply, relax and allow ourselves to align, until it becomes our habit and we are living our days in love rather than fear.

What is needed to make this possible is a change in perspective. It looks like this.

The contentment comes from trusting that we are connected and guided and following that guidance. Knowing that something greater than ourselves holds the big picture.

The inner peace comes from knowing that we live in a beneficent Universe and that we are a beloved and essential part of that. No one else can express the part of the Creator that is uniquely you.

The relaxation comes from focusing in on what is in this present moment, and being fully present with whatever that is.

The joy comes through appreciation, gratitude and allowing yourself to experience the pleasure inherent in whatever is.

​It is this change in perspective that allows you and me to relax into what is. When that becomes our habit, it changes our lives. We shine like the sun.

“…happiness is the result of love coming out of you…”
Don Miguel Ruiz, Mastery of Love, A Toltec Wisdom Book

​A forty-something, tired-looking woman (who looks nothing like a younger version of me) stares at her daughter with dismay.
 “You are not going out of this house dressed like that!”

Her daughter slams the front door she had just opened, turns and looks at her mother, eyes narrowed, and disgust distorting the outline of her mouth. She runs upstairs to her room, screaming,    
“I hate you!”

If you were me, uh .. I mean this mother, how might you choose to feel in this situation?

For the sake of argument let’s pretend that you have forgotten you have a choice about how you want to feel and that you respond with a knee-jerk reaction. Your feelings are hurt. You feel anger and fear. You are trying to protect your daughter. Who knows what teen-aged boys might assume if they saw her parading around in that 6 inch skirt and tight, low cut, cropped t-shirt?

When your daughter comes back downstairs wearing an 8 inch skirt and a tight, low-cut, uncropped t-shirt, and looking at you as if you were condemning her to death, your hurt, anger and fear for her causes you to overreact.

“Get back up to your room, young lady! You are grounded! No phone, no mall, nothing, till you can learn how to dress properly!”

And so, it repeats, in many homes, in many variations, with many different teenaged daughters and sons.

This is an old road, traveled by many an irate parent of a teenager.

You may not have teenagers. You may not be a parent. Your life may not look anything like this. The learned behavior patterns of this scene may not be one of your patterns, but most likely you will have others.

We all have our individual behavior patterns, based on fear and built in response to family patterns as we were growing up.

Our hypothetical mother had a choice of how to respond to her daughter, though she may not have been aware of it at the time. (In fact, I can say for sure that she wasn’t. She knee-jerked much of her way through motherhood, sigh…)

We are constantly confronted with situations in which we choose how we will respond. The choice is not always conscious, but it is always a choice. Many of us forget this.

We are trained from infancy to perceive the world around us as our parents, family and society perceived the world, a process known as acculturation. It is the way we learn how to be in the world.

During the process of acculturation, we learn about how our world works and where we fit into it. As infants and children, we swallow whole the view of our world from those around us. Later, as adults we may question this view, but the foundation is laid.

We learn to make the choices about how we feel without conscious thought, based upon what those around us have taught us. We learn knee-jerk responses to certain kinds of experiences. 

We learn that we need certain things or events to happen in order for us to respond lovingly and feel happy. If those things do not happen, or other things happen instead, we respond with fear and we feel unhappy.

It doesn’t feel like a choice for us. It feels like our happiness depends on events outside of ourselves.

This is an unhappy way to live, because we give up our power to choose. We forget that we have the power to choose a loving response, to choose to feel happy. We believe that our happiness lives outside ourselves, when in fact just the opposite is true.

How do we choose to feel happy? We have these learned patterns that tell us when we can feel happy and when we have to feel unhappy. How do we unlearn these patterns and start over?

How do we give ourselves back the power to choose? We retrain our automatic responses through attention, time and practice.

Learning anything new requires attention, time and practice. My granddaughter will repeat a new skill over and over, day after day, until she has mastered it. Whether it is riding her bike without training wheels, drawing a human figure, or hanging upside down on the monkey bars, she is driven to practice again and again, until one day she has it. Then she will lose interest and move on to something new.

Our brains are hard-wired to learn this way. When mastering a desired new skill, we feel a driving need to practice. We are creating new pathways in our brains that allow us to master new skills.

In time, the pathways in the brain associated with any particular bit of learning become like well-traveled roads.

What happens when we want to relearn these responses? We have to stop using the old roads and build new roads in their place.

Relearning requires the repeated practice that any new learning requires. It also requires paying attention and catching ourselves before we start down an old response road, then reorienting ourselves to the new response road we are building.

When you choose to relearn old behavior patterns be patient with yourself.

You are rebuilding the learned pathways in your brain. You are learning to choose a love-based response over a fear-based response.

Relearning takes attention, time and practice.

Chances are there will be times when you suddenly find yourself on the old roads, responding in a knee-jerk negative fashion to familiar stimuli. You will have by-passed all the detour signs and gone barreling down the old road. That’s OK. Wherever you find yourself you can choose to reorient and keep rebuilding.

It’s worth it, because our choice of response, whether we respond from fear or from love, determines how we feel about any situation.

When we choose to respond from love we choose to feel happy.

Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book Mastery of Love, explains that we are only happy when we are expressing love.

A feeling of happiness is a side effect, a beneficial result of expressing love into the world. When we choose the loving response, we feel happy.

Give yourself the power to choose love.